3. Heaven Will Be Mine (Worst Girl Games)

Oh. This thing. And yes, that is official art from the game. I shit you not.

Crystalline may be banal, but pretentiousness is its own special circle of Hell. At the very least the previous title didn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is: bargain-bin, otaku entertainment. Heaven Will Be Mine has the audacity to think it’s saying something. Saying what, one might ask? Hold on; I have it written in my notes here. Ah, yes; here it is –

“Girls Are Hot.”

…………..

Heaven Will Be Mine tosses even the idea of narrative and thematic structure out of the window in favor of brooding over how much adults suck and drooling over girls. Of course, this led to the story being nonsensical, the characters all being essentially the same damn two people and the entire experience having the subtly and grace of a pubescent trying to unclasp their first crush’s bra, but at least it didn’t try to take too much from the Mecha genre. For all of the talk about this would be a subversion of that genre, the mechs have so little to do with this game outside of a very obvious and bad allegory I’m actually relived in retrospect.